The Men in Our World

“There is a problem with the men in our world,” she said. 

We sat
In the stillness
The final quiet 
The aftermath
Of babies crying 
Toddlers whining 
Children needing 
The attention of both parents 
We sat
As dishes piled up 
Spills grew bigger 
Food messed over the just-cleaned carpet 
Beds unmade 
Pots of food uncooked 
Our entire beings in full action 
as we sat
With babies hanging onto our breasts,
Toddlers sitting on our laps 
Children holding our hands and…
A husband not far away
Traced by the smoke of a cigarette…
“There is a problem with the men in our world.”
“It is a problem of the human condition, of communication, of intelligence–“
“No, it is a problem with the men in our world. You have to identify the problem before you can fix it. We are supposed to be the fixers.
I can’t imagine our role model, our hero, our living example ignoring the cries of a child, no matter how insignificant in adult eyes 
Yet, they say it is not in the design of a man to respond lovingly to a child’s cries
I can’t imagine our Prophet Muhammad (SAW) hitting a child (whose brain is not even fully developed yet in order to distinguish right from wrong, so much so that Allah (SWT) does not even hold the child accountable)
Yet, they argue that men discipline differently 
How have the men of our world missed the manuscript, the example of manhood from our Prophet (SAW)? 
Where did we lose that piece of the puzzle?”
“But we need to reflect on the roles and responsibilities of wives and mothers. We women are the designers of life, of moulding boys and girls into men and women, each filling out their roles and responsibilities as prescribed–“
“Prescribed by who?”
I sat there
Alone now
The noise put to bed
I sat there
Trying earnestly to understand the male and female species
The miscommunication
The misunderstandings
The longing for approval
And acceptance…
The not knowing how
Maybe it is the fault of us mothers
    Of our history
    Of our legacy
Maybe we need to step up and raise warriors
And maybe we were never meant to understand a man
And maybe they were never meant to understand us
Maybe it is all part of the test of selfless patience, of making 70 excuses, of love and mercy, of being a slave to worship.
And my Lord knows best in all situations.

Words To Carry in Your Pocket

My Dear Son,

There are some important words I’d like you to keep with you wherever you may go, lessons I’ve learned along the way, words that might add to the quality of your days. Ameen.

1.) You only ever have to please One: Your Rabb, your Allah (SWT). Don’t concern yourself with pleasing people, no matter who it is. You will never be able to make everyone pleased with you. Just focus on The One. He (SWT) will take care of the rest.

2.) Don’t care too much about what people think of you. Consciously shove their judgments off, even if you have to say out loud to yourself: “I don’t care what people think”.

3.) Don’t be too disappointed in people when you cannot depend on them. We all disappoint each other all the time.

4.) Don’t rely on people too much, but when you find someone you can lean on through stressful times, appreciate and keep that person close to your heart.

5.) Make many, many, many excuses for people when you don’t understand their ways or actions. There’s more than two sides to every story.

6.) Know where to place your gratitude. Be polite, thank people, but, remember, all praises ultimately belong to Allah (SWT).

7.) People will hurt you. All the time. Those very close to you and those not so close to you. Forgive them, again and again and again. Somewhere, someone is forgiving you too, again and again and again.

8.) Hide the faults of others and remember Allah’s (SWT) Mercy.

9.) Walk with complete Trust in Allah (SWT), finding comfort in your salah that you had completed as soon as the waqt (time) came in, finding comfort in that you followed His (SWT) Laws.

10.) Allah (SWT) loves you.

11.) Have conversations with Allah (SWT) throughout your day.

12.) Remind yourself that you have control over yourself only, your tongue, your hands, your actions. Remind yourself that you cannot control the thoughts, words, actions of anyone else, as much as you want to.

13.) Remember to be quiet.

14.) Remember to be positive, about everything and everyone.

15.) Live like a traveller.

16.) Always remember the words of your beloved Prophet (pbuh): “Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already prescribed against you…

What has passed you by [and you have failed to attain] was not going to befall you, and what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and hardship with ease. (

17.) In the end, it all goes back to 1, The One. Your life is simply about pleasing Him.

“If all the people are pleased with you but Allah is not, what have you gained? If Allah is pleased with you but people are not, what have you lost?” (Ahmad ibn Hanbal)

With much love,