My Dear Son,
SubhanaAllah, may Allah, Most Merciful, accept the prayers of every struggling mother, yearning to find khushoo and closeness to Allah in her salah. I have often struggled to attain complete concentration in salah. It’s been a constant battle, fluctuating, like imaan. But, subhanaAllah, since your birth, it’s become an even bigger battle. My mind constantly runs away to you. With the slightest squeal from you, my being starts panicking that you’ll cry and scream. Even if someone has you, I worry that you will become restless or naggy and that person will begin to panic and not know what to do. Consequently, I am unable to reach deep concentration and a place of calmness and rest in my salah. Instead, I am always in a haste, doubtful and unsettled.
I question myself. What is it that my mind is really running to? I know that Allah, Most Merciful, is in Complete Control.
I reassure myself. I am just a facilitator between you and Allah. He (SWT) is your True Provider and Sustainer. He (SWT) is your Maker, your Allah, as He (SWT) is mine. I only have one goal. It is to please Allah (SWT). And you, my angel, sent from Allah, in His Infinite Mercy, are just another means of reaching my goal.
I reassure myself. Allah is Merciful and Omnipresent. Allah knows everything. Even what’s ingrained deep in our hearts. I remind and console myself that my Allah, Most Merciful, knows my intentions and yearning. My Allah, Most Merciful, has put me in this situation and is Fully Aware. And taking care of you, my little darling, is, after all, just another way that my Beloved Allah wants me to continue worshipping Him, making my worship as never-ending as His Favours upon me.
May you continue to be a means for me to reach my ultimate goal. And may you lead your father and mother to the Ultimate Success. Ameen.